Republican Smartness Stratego: Who Trumps Trump?

“I went to the Wharton School of Business. I’m, like, a really smart person.” -Donald Trump

So I’ve been trying to figure out how I measure up to the Republican front runner in terms of intelligence. I mean, I didn’t go to the Wharton School, because I didn’t study business, but I did go to UC Berkeley for undergrad, so that’s got to count for something, right? And from the few episodes of The Apprentice I watched, I gotta say his business acumen didn’t seem all that great, mostly seemed to fire whoever took responsibility for their actions.

“If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?” you might ask me. And then maybe I’d point out that I’m not interested in money and that I could make money if I wanted to and bring up the story about the Greek philosopher guy who rented all the olive presses just before a good harvest he predicted ’cause he was really smart and thus proved that smart people can make money if they want to.

“Yeah, idiot snot lefty intellectuals like you got Obama elected and are ruining America. If we’d put Carly or the Donald in charge we’d have some real economic recovery!” you would reply right before you knocked me out cold with Jack Welch’s biography.

If I were still conscious I would have noted that Mr. Trump is #405 on Forbes list. And #1 on the list is Bill Gates. And that guy dropped out of college!

This is getting hard. So maybe let’s stick to rating the Republican candidates. We’ve got enough of ’em we could populate an entire Stratego set and send into battle against the clearly underpopulated Democrats! We just have to work how to rank ’em. If we’re going to go with ranking in terms of intellect, as the Donald does, here’s what I got:

#1  Carson (the marshal) -freakin’ neurosurgeon

#2 Cruz (the general) -he knows he’s not going to win, but will get a load of publicity in the effort.

#3 Bush (the colonel) – He’s the smart brother.

#4 Rubio (major) – Smart enough to know being the smart brother ain’t enough to wrap this one up.

#5 Fiorina (captain) – Got fired and got $21 million. She ain’t stupid!

#6 Paul (lieutenant)- Keeping the family biz alive with a no-hope run.

#7 Huckabee (sergeant)- This is how you sell a book these days!

#8 Kasich (the miner)- the only one who had a comment that defused Trump during the Fox news debate.

#9 Graham, Santorum, Perry…….. (the scouts) – cannon fodder.

#The Bomb- Trump! (But for which side?)

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